Oh, Fuck, I Got The King!!
Annotated Rules of Play
Oh, Fuck, I Got The King is an excellent drinking game for two or more players. (It's especially excellent when played by two.) All that is required to play is one or more decks of cards and a table. The players should stand or sit around the table. The cards are spread out on the middle of the table. Any player may elect to start. Play generally rotates clockwise - however it can rotate counterclockwise if the players so desire, or if they're too drunk to know the difference.
A player takes his/her turn by drawing one (1) card from the pile and doing as follows:
Jokers: Jokers need not be used, but if they are, a player drawing a joker does a shot.
- Ace - "Fuck You!"
All players must say "fuck you." The last player to do so must drink.
- 2, 3, 4, 5 - Assignment of drinks.
The player drawing the card hands out drinks, as per the number on the card. Ex. if I draw a four, I tell one other player to drink four times, or two other players to drink twice each, or any other combination of four. You may assign drinks to yourself.
- 6 - Social.
The player drawing yells "Social!", after which all players say "Up, down, around the head! Who said head? I'll have some of that!", and then drink.
- 7 - Counting.
The player drawing begins counting at one (1). Starting in clockwise rotation, each player continues the count. However, when the count reaches any multiple of seven (e.g. 7, 14, 21, etc.) or a number with a seven in it (e.g. 7, 17, 27, etc.), the word "beer" must be substituted for the number, and the direction of the counting reverses. The first person to screw up drinks. See this picture for an example of how counting progresses.
- 8 - Questions.
The player drawing looks at another player and asks him/her a question. The player asked must ask a different question of another player. The sequence continues until a player repeats a question, says something that is not a question, or takes more than five seconds to respond. The player doing so drinks.
- 9 - Rule.
The player drawing makes up a rule, which remains in force for the remainder of the game. Example rules include "player X drinks whenever a spade is drawn", "when handing out drinks, you drink the same number", and "if you draw a three, you must remove a piece of clothing." 1
- 10 - Topic.
The player drawing names a topic (such as "Ivy League schools," "girls Joe Fratguy has boned," or "sexually transmitted diseases." 2) The player to his/her left names an item within that topic. This continues, rotating clockwise, until a player cannot name a valid item, in which case that player drinks. The player drawing the ten has sole judgment as to whether any named item is valid.
- Jack - Thumbs.
All players must place their thumbs on the playing table. The last one to do so drinks.
- Queen - Everybody but me!
All players drink, except the player drawing the queen.
- King - OFIGTK.
The player drawing the king drinks, with one very important exception: if the king drawn is the last one in play, the player drawing said king chugs. The game ends when the last king is drawn.
Variations on counting: Counting (on 7's) can be quite a bitch. There are two variations commonly used:
- Rock, paper, scissors: The player drawing the 7 challenges another player to a game of RPS. The losing player drinks.
- Waterfall: All players begin drinking, and do not stop until tapped by the player to the right. The player drawing the 7 taps first.
1 This last rule has not been actually tested in play - at least, not by us.
2 "Rico" is not a sexually transmitted disease.